How Many Times

The city screams out for me

But I ain’t listening

The city screams          it wants my soul

But I won’t give in     I won’t let go

I’m waiting

And I don’t know why

I’m still waiting

So I close my eyes

If you despised me

Would you let me know

Would you try to find me

If I decided to go

I’m waiting

And I don’t know why

I’m still waiting

So I close my eyes

How many times did I break your heart

Without knowing it

How many times did I cut you down

Without meaning it

How many times did I hurt you

Without feeling it

How many times have I sung this song

Without hearing it

I’m waiting

And I don’t know why

I’m still waiting

So I close my eyes

naming the ocean

falling like unpredictable destination

I have fallen too far for you

you move in and out of my vision

touching my thoughts like

I should have touched you

I am weak simply from wanting you

and my thoughts fall heavy

towards a fear of breaking hearts

sound of pain like smashing glass like

the beginning of nothing at all

but you hair burning       long and killing me

slicing through me         too deep

with your eyes

you breathe      too close to me

too far away

and still

I can almost touch you

and I hear them calling your name again

like an ocean breaking upon the shores

of helpless visions

            I can feel you

heart separates from mind         pulse runs wild

sending me dancing in your hidden light

so I close my eyes

frustrated with my silence and

the need for words

your presence is too strong

your movements pull me

            I am afraid

afraid of you   

  of what you do do to me

hunger pulse blood beat

thirsting for a touch

dance dance deep inside me

inside you

I hear them calling your name again

like I    

 never   

      could

c i g a r e t t e n d e r n e s s

cigarettenderness

ashes scatter across yellowed carpet
cigarette blows
a hole in my mind
the street
waits for the rain to fall

like a car crash
like the definition
of thunder

ashes follow
the cigarette
down

cracks in the highway

i wake up after the day begins
early light missing my eyes
reminding me of sitting outside
a motel room
caught with the thrill of travel
against the sky
and the knowledge
of early morning drive

it’s an east coast wind
that pulls me closer
like florida heat
like carolina fireflies

leave the rain
slow pigeons and
green
head into the hills
watch the truckstops
seduce the sides
of the road

i don’t take my sunglasses off
for a week
there’s a girl
wearing a cross
hair in her eyes
she smiles at me
room number 36
and by the time i finish my drink
she’s gone
greyhound quick

i tie the dusk to my door
wondering about the rain

humid veins and girl hair in my dreams
she’s gone before
i finish my drink

birds fly across my shadow
highway stay awake

:: three (3)::

hanging flower

i can break i have
i have frozen solid
cracked open




greatful that it’s not concrete

drag you down messing up
your clothes

throw me in the ditch

your legs glow

my fingers reach out
drag you down




almost remembering what it’s like to hate

hold my hands

they’re not as steady
as i’d like
i’m shaking

my fingers
ache

sugar and water

sugar and water

(with thanks (and/or apologies) to the promise ring. tell everyone we're dead.)

did you know that i drink
sugar and water
to hold me down
to hold me next to you

yeah
sugar and water
to hold me down
to hold me close
to hold me softly next to you

'cause you're sweeter
than the liquid moon
i drink you in
drink you down
you drink me too
do we finish too soon
am i failing you
i twist my arm
around empty air
it hurts but i don't know where
 and i don't care

it hurts right now it hurts right now

every time i see an ambulance
i wonder if it's me
who's died
am i just a ghost to everyone else
or just invisible inside
either way
i don't care
you say it'll fade
but i don't care

it hurts right now it hurts right now

so i drink sugar and water
to hold me down

fever call

fever call

breaking thru like dusty knives
breaking thru....
         
            BREAK THROUGH!

spreading open the sunlight
      sigh
sigh

        enter here
        dissasemble the air

swift shadows of luminecence
        cross split horizon
screaming with particle envy
leaving me standing
     on shaky ground

and as the highways sew the earth
     together again
my own shadow slips away
     quietly
to find its own way home

cold start summer heart

(from way back... 1994)

Cold Start Summer Heart
 

Shiftin thru 
passin lanes like a 
cut wheat avalanche

field dried 
road eyed 
and tasting bitter water 
on the underside of my tongue

nicotine urge rides along 
shotgun and waiting 
for some propane injection

an irreversible shadow crawls 
tired & twisting thru my mind

seasonal heatwave crashdown 
into th myopic frenzy of 
a 
nother 
city street

fade away 
into hot wire slipstream 
searchin fer th thirst of cracked sidewalks
under cool blue

quiet time 
snapshot 
fireweed 
rose water

catchin th free way w/ clenched teeth

searchin out th gutter sides 
cavalier impulse 
slow fade 
into underground 
band
width

sometimes (poetry)

Following the release of my chapbook... the typewriter keeps me awake at night... i thought i'd start putting some random poetical things on this blog... new words, old words, excerpts from the book... might as well, right? maybe all the poems that found their way on to the cutting room floor.... cleaned up and put on digital display....

okay...

on words.
and up words.

(oh yeah... chapbook.... here.)

best of the rest (the music of 2013)

	Best of The Rest (Fifty For Fun)
	Artist	Album
31	Adam Franklin & Bolts Of Melody	Black Horses
32	Alkaline Trio	My Shame Is True
33	Appleseed Cast, The	Illumination Ritual
34	Arctic Monkeys	AM
35	Belle And Sebastian	The Third Eye Centre
36	Big Business	Battlefields forever
37	Billie Joe Armstrong & Norah Jones	Foreverly
38	Cold War Kids	Dear Miss Lonelyhearts
39	David Yow	Tonight You Look Like A Spider
40	Dean Wareham	Emancipated Hearts
41	Dismemberment Plan, The	Uncanney Valley
42	Ed Harcourt	Back Into The Woods
43	Flaming Lips, The	The Terror
44	Flunk	Lost Causes
45	Foals	Holy Fire
46	Foetus	Soak
47	Franz Ferdinand	Right Thoughts…
48	Girls Against Boys	The Ghost List EP
49	Grouplove	Spreading Rumours
50	Hayden	Us Alone
51	House Of Love, The	She Paints Words In Red
52	IAMX	The Unified Field
53	Jimmy Eat World	Damage
54	Joy Formidable, The	Wolf's Law
55	Keep Shelley In Athens	At Home
56	Kitchens Of Distinction	Folly
57	Low	The Invisible Way
58	Luscious Jackson	Magic Hour
59	Man or Astro-Man?	Defcon 5… 4… 3… 2… 1
60	Mark Eitzel	Glory
61	Mazzy Star	Seasons Of Your Day
62	Medicine	To The Happy Few
63	Moby	Innocents
64	My Bloody Valentine	M B V
65	Naked and Famous, The	In Rolling Waves
66	Neko Case	The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight…
67	Ocean Blue, The	Ultramarine
68	Owen	L'Ami Du Peuple
69	Polvo	Siberia
70	Quasi	Mole City
71	Rival Schools	Found
72	Sadies, The	Internal Sounds
73	Spindrift	Ghost Of The West
74	Stereophonics	Graffiti On The Train
75	Suede	Bloodsports
76	Tim Kasher	Adult Film
77	Tindersticks	Across Six Leap Years
78	Willard Grant Conspiracy	Ghost Republic
79	Yeah Yeah Yeahs	Mosquito
80	Yo La Tengo	Fade

Begin Again

Here's where i say i'm going to do this better.... we'll see.

Hello 2014. Let's start with my own personal best of 2013 - music, that is.
You can see 2011 and 2012 in the old place: http://justincrash.blogspot.com/
I think i'm just going to concentrate on this new place (and the other kind of new place).

for those few and sometimes, when i'm caught thinking about all those unwritten and unpublished books of mine - i'll move over to here:http://inthedevilsjukebox.blogspot.com/

but for now... here's what 2013 gave me that i really enjoyed listening to :

A Top 30 For 2013 (Alphabeticalized)

ARTIST                                                  ALBUM

!!!                                                Thr!!!er

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club              Specter At The Feast

Chelsea Wolfe                                 Pain Is Beauty

Crime and the City Solution               American Twilight

Depeche Mode                                Delta Machine

Division Of Laura Lee                        Tree

Editors                                           The Weight Of Your Love

Fonda                                            Sell Your Memories

Girls In Hawaii                                  Everest

The Grapes Of Wrath                        High Road

Johnny Marr                                   The Messenger

Joseph Arthur                                 The Ballad of Boogie Christ

Kinski                                            Cosy Moments

Melvins                                         Tres Cabrones

Mick Harvey                                   Four (Acts Of Love)

Mike Doughty                                Circles Super Bon Bon Sleepless How Many Cans?...

Mudhoney                                     Vanishing Point

The National                                   Trouble Will Find Me

New Model Army                              Between Dog And Wolf

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds          Push The Sky Away

Nine Inch Nails                                 Hesitation Marks

Placebo                                           Loud Like Love

Primal Scream                                   More Light

Queens Of The Stone Age                   …Like Clockwork

Russian Circles                                  Memorial

Six By Seven                                    Love And Peace And Sympathy

Tomahawk                                        Oddfellows

The Veils                                         Time Stays, We Go

Veronica Falls                                    Waiting For Something To Happen

White Lies                                        Big TV